Yesterday, I screwed up. I hurt someone unintentionally--and even unknowingly. Even after the fact, I had no idea my words had offended someone I would never want to hurt or offend. I found out when someone else, offended on behalf of the person I had hurt, made it known to me in an e-mail designed, I think, not so much to inform as to lash out in anger, to revenge. In sum, it concluded that I am someone "to avoid like the plague."

Several years ago, I had a very difficult but life-defining experience. Sparing the details, I will say only that it resulted in commitment to a decision that if someone wants to avoid me, I won't make it difficult to do so. That's a game I just won't play. I am deeply grieved, however, to add these who are dear to me to the (thankfully short) list of people I will not trouble with my presence. I feel like part of me died today.

What saddens me most is wording that indicates a past attitude hidden from me. They have acted as though all was well between us. I thought it was. Time and care, pieced together and invested in them seems to have evaporated. I realize the e-mail was written in anger and crafted to hurt. It hit its mark, but it also revealed that either its presentation or the other that has been shown me was a lie, and now I feel that I can trust neither. How can a relationship be built on that?

So I mourn.