"No, really, I just can't do that." He was talking to a woman, another passenger on the American Airlines shuttle bus between the main terminal and the satellite terminal. Just an ordinary guy and an ordinary woman. He had a seat, she came on board and stood. He got up and offered her his chair. "Thanks, but this is fine." "No, really, I just can't do that." He stayed standing; she said "Thanks" and sat. An unremarkable incident that still deserves remarks, especially because of its proximity to another incident I witnessed yesterday at the University of Delaware where I was attending a conference. A young student (male) held the door open for another woman who was attending the conference. She's middle-aged, not elderly by any stretch, but has beautiful gray hair. She wondered what his conduct said about his attitude toward gray-haired women. Nothing at all. No, friend, he wasn't commenting on your age, and he wasn't insulting your gender or challenging your feminist equality. Neither was the guy on the airport bus. Their mommas just raised them right, that's all. When we landed in Dallas this afternoon and began our trek through the airport, I saw crape myrtles out the windows and witnessed southern courtesy inside the bus. Gentle beauty. Welcome home. Glad to be back. It's not that holding a door or giving up a seat is such a big deal. It's just a small gesture of respect and courtesy. We still prize that here in the South. Kids raised right say "Ma'am" and "Sir," and they mean it respectfully because their mommas (and dads) taught them that's the way to address someone. Age isn't an issue--adults call each other "ma'am" and "sir" to show simple respect for other people. My students from the West or the North often find that a bit archaic or even wonder if there isn't a sneer lurking somewhere in the syntax. (When my Chicagoan-turned-Californian mother-in-law first moved to Texas and my kids called her ma'am, she heard sarcasm where there was none. In Chicago, she explained to me, those words were disrespectful.) But I hope those students imbibe a bit of southern courtesy with their English and business or mechanical engineering. At the same time, I hope we learn from them a bit about expressions of courtesy and behaviors of respect in their parts of the country or world. At the risk of sounding like a cliche', I'd like to say that this world would be a gentler, kinder place if we were more intentional about treating each other with simple respect and courtesy. That's a good thing. So when someone holds the door, just say "thanks" and walk through. Then watch for your chance to hold it for someone else, regardless or age or gender. posted by Annie 11:00 PM | . . .
